Indifference

Back to the drawing board where it concerns applying the self. In some certain situations, I think you try to care and you apply every effort of caring in an attempt to garner yourself an understanding, but it simply isn't effective...enough. Why is that? Why is it that you can even exist in a place where all you do is absolve yourself of the responsibility of being within an experience, and yet you still push for resolution though it doesn't concern you? Is that the power of having an integral position in something? Of being IN a situation and not living apart from it?

I deem this indifference.

A dangerous, suspicious place of occupying one's mind, indifference. It's nearly a beast of its own. To want to have care, take care, give care and yet...nothing. Can indifference be tamed? Be logical? Be fixed? Does it evolve to the next life form that is...say, a touch of misunderstanding, or displaced anger, fear, rage? More of a want to be indifferent, when everything else is suggesting that you do care, that you do want "difference" in order to change indifference. I see that there is hesitation when indifference comes to play for the weekend. Like that friend that you don't really care for in most instances, but that you spend time with anyway. Maybe for lack of knowing what else to do with yourself while they're there. Maybe because they always seem to show up at the most-inconvenient times and force you to contend with the issues that are them.

Oh, indifference...why is it that I speak of you when your very nature is that of not caring?