Groups of Girls

Women. We are a quizzical beast. We hide, we box and we bury those thoughts that bother. I can speak only to the nature that I experience and yet, I am defeated by my thoughts.
= why?
Those situations that claim life, the ones that become larger than us; they just happen. We don't always get to find out why and this becomes the bother.

I exist in a space where I can fight. Yet, I should not always be on such posed awareness. I feel as though there are times and places to ready the sword; the verbal lashing. And this does not need to be an always thing. 
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I reexamine this thread over a span of four years post initiation.

We are on Day 4 of a worldwide pandemic that has everything sans "essential" businesses on a shutdown. Some chatter suggests the shutdown will span two weeks, while others push out to a matter of 18 months. Not really sure what to believe; I write.
I have been asked to respond to a matter of three questions each defining happiness or need in my individual manner of speaking. According to yesterday's front my emails suggested that I was in the throws of "willful ignorance," the idea that I deliberately avoid evidence that is contrary to my own belief systems. I would say that this is true to a degree. I avoid pain. I find a word-around for the things that might bring me upset, anxiety or frustration, if I can. Don't we all? At this very same time, I know how to rise when I need to. I understand that preparation for the worst case scenario is better than an unprepared life, and also that I should count my blessings more often than I tally my woes.

The catch here is tallying your woes is easy.
Negative things that occur exist in the forefront of our focus.
If someone were to ask us "what's wrong?" we could rattle off a ready-made mental listing of all the things that are not right.
"I can't sleep because I lay awake worrying. My mind is full of things that could go wrong, maybe someone lost a job, has to work from home, isn't going to get paid, there are no classes, I can't access the things I need to access, I'm concerned about food, my friends, my family. I don't understand why this is all happening, and I have no one to talk to about it..." The list goes on. Concerted efforts could probably keep it going indefinitely.

But what does that do? What relief does all that "stuffing" of thoughts and emotions do for you? For us?
Nothing.
It brings no relief, no peace of mind. Worrying does not assist breathing or sleep patterns. There is no wellness to be had from the weight of worry.
I return to the question(s) at hand:What does happiness mean to you? What do you need more of in your life?

Happiness = peace of mind. Peace of mind = not worrying, and not worrying = taking one breath at a time while focusing and refocusing my brain.
It's like the quote: 

For the time being, I am testing my own brain against my breath. And what might I need more of?

Breaths.