The Ties That Bind

It originated as a thought; without plan, without procedure or precedence. In form it made sense, but in function it was quite lacking. Effortlessly really -- she approached it effortlessly because that is what love demands.

In no less than a few years, she began to see there was a large, overflowing capacity for him to act outside what normal realms were and do all that he wished without worry for what pain or heartache it might cause another. In many ways, that is what drove her to do the things she did.  Deciding that no longer would she accept pain, heartache, abuse or atrocities of another put upon her or her child.  Somehow that was a problem. People, in general do not long for resolution when they are enamored with fighting.

How ignorant.

He was ignorant. Still is.  Every effort of resolution, of finding a common ground in the middle is put out the door as if a dog who has messed the rug.  And not even with that much foreknowledge. He just fights to fight. I think it is because there is a shred of hatred among a serious void of humanity.  Either way, it is directed at me. I don't care so much as I worry.

I hate that I talk and it is discounted. I disdain the thoughts of this horrible, rotten, no good, very bad cycle. It makes no difference to those that abuse precisely because they lack the emotion to care. All is said and done and I look like the problem when all I have ever done, ever...is to protect and support my child.  Can they say the same?
No.

But not because they don't try to say they are caring - rather, because they're incapable of applying any feeling toward the same cause.  Posers of the grandest order. One shred, one element of deceptiveness five years ago, took precedence over truth because some judge in some county might have been having a bad day.  I remember that day -- I begged and pleaded for resolution; for acknowledgment. They smiled back with that faux pas that shouted: "Shut up you mimicry of a mother because we know you're going to make our job harder".  Then passed the gavel to the left for the sake of easing their work load.

What a joke.

Irritating and debilitating joke.

Has me seriously considering the alternative. What is the alternative?  To shout louder, to speak more directly and not care of the responsiveness, no matter how ignorantly it is displayed. 
Should take pictures.
And record the event.

Except they took my recorder.