Polish Up Those Shoulders

Today I was asked when I'd be taking "that trip down the aisle"?  At this same time I was reminded of the ways in which we process relationships and how, for whatever the reason, things have taken their sweet time in coming to fruition.  Relationship-wise, you're either the "point-and-shoot" type where very little nuance, every bothersome issue or habit is because of something that someone else did. Or, it's a role-responsibility relationship.

In many painful reminders I believe I've succumbed to the ever easy point-and-shoot and I would imagine that's because the alternative is hard.  If you accept the responsibility of your role, rather than pointing a finger whenever you're displeased, it becomes fairly evident that it is you who must do the work.

Not afraid of work, I put my gloves on preparing to identify the problem and drag it out by its toenails if it didn't voluntarily go.  Ask Lovey - that poor man's been through what might suffice for a modern day war of the roses where it concerns my stubborn streak and cleaning-frenzy-when-agitated therapeutic regimen.  And though even that can have its good side (streak-free living quarters) I begin to feel pressure when its all the time my problems, my issues, my therapy, my mental health, what I'm working on fixing, etc.  I begin to feel as though I cornered the market on tumultuous relationships and anecdotal self-help.

Rationally speaking, I know I'm not the only person that has issues they need to work on, and I'm certainly not the last, yet depending on my focus, remembering that rationale can become very blurred.  Resolved to stop pitying myself, I take a deep breath in and conjure up the energy to step forward again.

"Alright"  I tell myself, "you're going to have to accept this one too.  Polish up those shoulders...".  There were times when the little things that played out in our lives as children implanted themselves so deeply that they became seeds for our adult actions.  Only at this stage does one realize that by correcting the faults of those before us, we must also acknowledge taking the blame for it as well.  And isn't there some adage about "with great responsibility comes great...?"  I think Spider-man said it.  "Power".  So power it is.

Ultimately, I am responsible for how I feel and to what degree.  I know that I feel happy when I have the love and attention of my partner.  I know that I feel gracious when I have the health and togetherness of my family and children, or when my son sleeps in my bed because he's "not scared there," (even if it has become a last resort for convincing him of an early bedtime)...or when my photo albums reflect the years of memories in all stages of life. That entails a role-responsibility relationship; therapy being an added bonus for years to come.  Being careful of the pressure that I exert on someone else making me happy, I'm going to have to keep my role(s) in mind.

And in this same pattern of thought, I'll dream forward to the day when I actually am walking down that aisle.