Thank You (Originally Published August 2007)

You know when you reach a point that all the thinking in the world won't undo itself.  It's created a place in your mind that nearly reaches form and function.  They're just thoughts though, how does that happen?  Either way, these "formed" thoughts are like a little ball-bearing that rolls itself, independantly powered, from side to side in that head of yours.
With the process of thinking such thoughts, I actually made some head-way this time and figured it out.  Here I've been asking the universe for things, crying out to the night with wonder of why I had not been blessed with atleast a sampling of the dreams that were torn down some time ago? Never reaching the end of that thought process to realize that I had, indeed, been blessed with more than I could imagine. 
Teaching; an aspiration of mine that was placed on the back burner.
Family; that's a big one...full and rounded this idea of family, children, spouse, and any other individual that may need a spot of soup and pat on the back - that's what would complete my idea of family.  I wanted it for myself - to love and care for and create a "home" with, residing on the other burner in the back.
A house; this one not so much the actual style and design of a house, but rather, this was more highly concentrated on the functionality of a house.  It needs to be grand - light pouring in from all the windows, scrolled metal works on the walls, art hanging in the entry-way to welcome any and all inside the beautifully crafted doors.  It needs to be open - the energy of the rooms, the floor plans crafted in such a way as to create a natural path for little feet in the night, creeping to my bedroom for snuggies.  It needs to be strong - sometimes a necessity to compensate for my lack in strength, but more for the solidarity of the ages that it shall experience.  A vase, yes...that's it.  It's function would be most like that of a vase, capturing the stories, the warmth, the laughter and the legends of a thousand tales. 

Anyway, here I thought that I allowed someone to destroy all of that for me. I was sulking; really, I was.  I've been somewhat of a hermit, rationalizing my actions and wondering of the rest that I see.  If the universe had the potential to smack me upside the head, I believe it would have happened several times already.  Regardless, I reached my "Aha!"
The teacher: I have five children in my home to teach.  Their ages, their experiences and their history - all perfect tools for a teacher because they are so eager to learn.  Ready to learn the best of what there is to learn - about people, relationships, family, loving others, optimism, being strong, standing firm...on and on the list goes.

The Family: I was gifted an instant family by loving their father. This man, I don't speak of often enough because I've been so wrapped around and tormented by the idea of a psychotic-episodic marriage. 

Really though, Chris, you're worth more than the words can relay.  As a father, friend, lover, spouse, confidant, partner, mate, teacher...you've done a fantastic job at all of these. Because of your faithfulness, I believe I'm seeing the forest from the trees this time. We really do have a wonderful family.

And the home: that's just another piece of the puzzle.  It's created wherever we are - where we are together.  The friends, they come and go - and I would hope that they know they are welcome, always. It's there, all these things that I thought I'd lost - I have, in fact, found them and they were right in front of me all along.
So to you, Chris, thank you.  Thank you for your patience and understanding.  Thank you for being in control - for never harming us, me, the kids. Thank you for not running away even if I said I wanted to. For being compassionate, even when I was in uber-witch mode - for trying, always trying.  Thank you most for being a real father to your children.  It's an achievement in and of itself, as the persons that step up to the plate to take care of one child, much less more than one child, are few and far between.  And with that - thank you for showing a little boy what it really means to be a dad. You've done it and you've done a superb job.  Thank you for loving us; me and the kids. Thank you.