Barely, if at all.

I have barely acknowledged the velocity and impact of a life unexamined, or in right perspective - acknowledged the continuance of hurt from those elements of a life unexposed.  I want to write, to paint those stories of news for experiences which have led me to this place.  I am afraid.  I want to expose those tyrants that draw blood and do not stop - though it seems for all my efforts, they continue without pause, and (particularly) without remorse or countenance. Their faces are hidden in ways that escape me. I see them for whom  they are but to outside persons, they are as normal as the definition.  All that said, I write in metaphors and operate in hallucinations.  Why?  It is painful. It's brutal.  The struggle day in and day out with what I have been left.  I care not for the material, but rather for the emotive context of things.  And that is exactly what was bruised and battered. 

Although I sound like I'm whining, I'm not.  I'm simply pissed.  ...and baffled.  And aggravated at this exchange.  If you could see him.   See the way that he operates in daylight versus the behavior that happens when I show up on-scene.  And how does one get that part into the light?  It is not for lack of trying, I assure you.  A year ago I wrote a resolution that led to the impending New Year.  I swore I would be more forgiving, more outright, more...forgiving.  And in honesty, I have.  Yet he does not forgive me.  I am tired of struggling with my thoughts and emotions with no return but a beat-down via those powers-that-be.  Those same powers that promise to uphold the law and "protect and serve". What a joke.  Truth is, I want a return.  I want an apology, and a listening ear as invested in my speak as I am when I promise to listen.  I want someone, something to make this right and so far, it just drags...on, and on...and on...and on...and on.

On some days when the sun is high in the sky and I listen intently to the silence, I am fine.  I can understand and progress on blind faith. Most days are like that really.  Blind faith.