Dearest Child of Mine

I am sorry that you have to contend with these issues that exceed your cognition right now. I'm sorry that I married a man who has not produced a good role model for your fragile state of mind. I'm sorry to see you weighing the good against the bad and not knowing where to turn or what to do. I'm sorry that you feel like no one’s listening. I'm sorry that there isn’t change coming faster and most of all, I'm sorry for the times when I don’t know what else to do or say.  I'm sorry that he’s broken.

I'm glad that you feel safe enough to act out around me because you know you’ll not be hurt. I'm glad that you’re blessed to be as intelligent as you are. I'm happy to see your face shining on the good days and humbled at your smile. I'm saddened to see so much hurt put in your direction by someone outside my control, but delighted to see you growing into a wonderful person who is more compassionate than you are resentful. 

I pray more than I answer and try to be thankful more than I worry.  I do have absolute faith that this will not last forever and that every dream is worth following. I recognize that this will not be the last time you have to come up against forces outside your control or understanding and that the head-on meetings with the man who fathered you, will certainly occur again.  It is my job to prepare you to work through these inevitabilities to the best and healthiest ways possible for the tools you’re equipped with and the age that you are.
It is of what we fear that we are gauged emotionally. Or, in reference to the Piscean me…I've gauged everything emotionally, fear or not.  Bugger.  With that in mind, there is a path that unfolds before me, it’s been a tad rocky and overgrown, but a path nonetheless. I'm referencing this path because it encompasses the dear message, the continuous worries and the frights of childhood that I allude to with nearly everything I speak of.  Bah. 
Tomorrow…maybe tomorrow we’ll speak of confusion and what that means.