"You can have a seat, unless you wanna be near the Ex"

Occurrence: April 16, 2009

Sometimes, when I'm feeling most drained and have to somehow derive power and initiative out of this ignorant context, I think about the players that are part of this game. This is their livelihood, what they do to make money and it's never-ending. As much as I disdain this process, it's not the entirety of my life. There's more than this back-and-forth motion that will grow into something substantial, beautiful, fruitful. It will not be like this forever - at least not for me, as this is just the fallout from a bad decision.
This is the part where you're reading your script, preparing your costume and brushing up on your pronunciation when you know the last performance is coming up shortly. You've already decided that you'll no longer take part in this refuge of life, you're tearing up your advertisements and not circulating your name anymore for hire in this virtual exploitation factory. One more performance and then it's on to the "California" of your stardom dreams.

One more go-around explaining the things that are so clear to you, but still remain foggy to everyone else. And it's because without having you as their actress, they have no cast to continue the play. They have no evil threads to weave; pitting ex against lover, against child, against mother. They simply have a script. Yes, you may be considered a pawn in this juicy game of mistrust, or you may be improperly cast as the villain when what you auditioned for was the opposite. They've already filled that role, and no one wants to be the bad guy. So, you play along knowing that you will unveil the real story in a fantastic twist near the unveiling of the plot. The type-cast persons will march out to the giant with mere pebbles and the rolling laughter from the hillside, will suddenly be stifled when the monster falls. And won't it be brilliant!

The audience, these puppets - will rise to their feet, clapping and crying, wiping away tears because Good did win out in the end. The lights will fade out, the curtain will fall and the dust of the production will be brushed from the stage. You're done. That was it.
Time to move on to the venture of your "California" dreams. Time to rest, relax, recover and appreciate that you could see through the deception of the players, and of the play.

Now - Now that we've got the emotional context out of the way - moving on to the anger of the situation. That's mostly the "dammits!" and the "What the heck?" - using more profanity than there are descriptive words ...say "court-system" and it's like my conditioning word to turn complete placidity into rage!
We're working up to the descriptions on this one though - stay tuned....this poetic version of unfolding events shall soon take a new face. The one of itemized screw-ups of the litigation process, and of filing fees and attorneys/judges who've dropped the ball on more than one occasion and who probably couldn't spell my name correctly even now that I've spent the last four years with them.